Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
