He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
