she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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