it hurts more in the daytime
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
