God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
