Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
