my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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