I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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