Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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