when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
