Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
