he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
