I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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