I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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