Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
