I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
