Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
