Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize