just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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