i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
