hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
