I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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