shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
