May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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