In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
