i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
