Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
