She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
