Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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