I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
