dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
