Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
