I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
