her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
