take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
