just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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