My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
