no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish my penis had an off switch
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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