nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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