Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
