So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
