With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
