the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't notice because vodka
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
