ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
