My sheets look like a crime scene.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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