I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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