I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can you bring me the toilet please
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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