i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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