Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
