Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
