well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
