You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
is it fun? or sober?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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