hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
