I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i need some magic done to my vagina
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
