Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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