The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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