you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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