I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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