No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
