Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
