Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
