i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
