I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
