wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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