Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
