oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
