Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
