i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
