It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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