just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
