well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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