god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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