I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
