you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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