I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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